The July Letter.

Think of the sunshine every chance you get.
Think fun
be green
wear your smile like linen.
Hang your mind out to dry
learn to fly
in the blue sky.
Don't let the dullards grind you down
live in the forest
(greens and browns)
dream of clouds and sunray bridges
ice cream and lemonade
be warm
be cool.
Much of the time I unintentionally hurt or insult people
because I don't know how to get an idea across very well verbally.
Sometimes what someone wants to hear from me is different than what
I want to mean, so I say a thing or refrain from saying a thing,
and either can be mis-interpereted by someone who expects me to
have a strong opinion. Often, I just don't have a well thought-out
opinion to give, so I say something non-commital- or worse- say
nothing at all. I am always honest, which can often mean I don't
want to express an opinion that would seem negative, but I am also
somewhat tactless and negative, so my opinions can seem to be always
negative and nit-picking; and for that I apologise.
I'm working on that. It's the worst with my best friends, who may
only rarely hear a compliment from me, mostly because I want to see
them succeed. Weird leftover crap from a Baptist upbringing and a
bloodline full of Danes and Minnesotans. I'll work on it.
Tuesday 1995
Monsoons started tonight-
I'm alive again
alive again..
Wednesday 1995
Sweat beads from every pore of my skin.
hot hot hot muggy smuggy hot hot etc..
It's funny: it never occurs to people that I really *like* extremes
of temperature that I cannot control. I don't want my environment to
be 75 degrees and sterile. When I talk about playing with ice cubes
in a hot shower, people think I'm describing some weird sex thing.
They don't understand the enjoyment I get out of temperature extremes.
Valkyri's the worst. She wants to come and play with ice cubes someday.
I'm glad she's in Virginia and not here. I could get into a bunch of
trouble with someone like her. It would be fun, but it would be trouble..
It's always the ones that are trouble that seem to be attracted to me..
July 1995
..Boredom is the enemy. Boredom and lonliness can make me do things that
I otherwise would not do.
Day after monsoon 1995